6.30 am. Asleep in bed.
SLAM. Cat pounces on bed, paws digging into soft human belly barely protected by blanket.
Repeat every 30 seconds, varying impact zone of cat.
Sitting bolt upright in bed after the umpteenth attack, screaming at cat. No effect on cat, except to elicit wide-eyed "Have I done something wrong? *blink*blink*" response from cat, a la Puss in Boots from Shrek 2. Collapse back under blankets, cat happily resuming body slams.
On another, more bizarre note: someone told me a joke about Saddam and Beckham recently (Good news: Saddam Hussein has been given the death penalty. Bad news: David Beckham is taking it) and it featured in the wierdest dream last night - I was sitting at a dinner table with a bunch of people, and had just announced to all "Hey, I know this great joke ...", and suddenly I noticed that Mr Hussein and Mr Beckham were sitting right opposite me. Beckham gives me this I-dare-you-to-tell-that-joke look, and I suddenly feel and immense sense of awkwardness. Saddam didn't say anything. Woke up right after that, courtesy of the cat.