Shakespeare would be rolling in his grave

So what do you do when you're waiting for the Reduced Shakespeare company to start, and you've been staring at a stage backdrop with the names of all of Shakespeare's plays on them?

That's right, you start wondering what they would be named if they were porn movies. No, don't ask me why - it just happened. I blame the company I was with for these terrible, terrible thoughts. = )

Here's as far as we got.
(the frightening thing is that some of these are probably actually real movies)

Let's start with the easy ones:
As You Lick It
Love's Labours Lust
The Merchant of Penis
A Midsummer Night's Cream
Taming of the Screw
Antony and Clit-opatra
Coriol Anus
Julius Sieze-Her (yes, I know - lame. But we're trying to achieve something here, so let's push on)
King Leer
Romeo and Rosalind and Juliet
Tits Andronicus
Sin-beline

Then there's the history plays -
Dick II
Dick III
Obviously a winning formula, with sequels. The Henry plays are a bit of a problem though.

Then there's some that don't even need re-naming to qualify as porn:
Measure for Measure
Twelfth Night
Two Gentlemen of Verona
The Merry Wives of Windsor
All's Well That Ends Well

and my favourite,

King John

That leaves us with the ones that just won't bend to accomodate modern tastes (some problem plays here, obviously):
Troilus and Cressida
The Comedy of Errors
Much Ado About Nothing
Pericles, Prince of Tyre
The Tempest
A Winter's Tale
Timon of Athens